I Am The Enemy

Do you ever NOT do something you know you should do? And even think, several times, Gee, I really should do that thing I've been putting off doing. And then, just like you knew would happen, the consequences of choosing NOT to do the thing hits you. Or me, as the case may be.

I mentioned before that I manage litigation for my company. It's a particular kind of litigation 90% of the time, but every once in a while a different type of litigation comes in, that I'm not as comfortable with and don't enjoy as much, but because I'm the litigator, it comes to me.

This guy I've been working with has been out of the country for 10 days. Before he left, he sent me an e-mail outlining what he thought should be done on this particular situation, that likely will turn into a court case. It arrived on a Wednesday night I was out of town, and I didn't get back to the office until Friday, which was a half day 'cause that's how we roll on Fridays. I didn't worry about it too much because there was no immediate need to do anything, and the dude who sent it was out of the country, right?? Then Monday, I was in a meeting from 8:00-2:00, which made the rest of the day suck, because, duh, too much to do! From Tuesday to Thursday I thought, several times, I have to get on that project because dude's coming back Friday. Did I get on it? Nope. And Friday afternoon (late enough to ignore) I got an e-mail from him asking for a status update on what I had done since he sent the e-mail the previous Wednesday. The answer is, status remains the same as it ever was. That probably won't sound too good though, which is why I'm sitting here, at 9:00 pm on a Sunday night, trying to figure out what to say.

Now, to be fair to me, nothing NEEDED to be done on this situation. This is really just a management of people issue, since this guy WANTED shit to be done. But I KNEW that, and I still didn't get on it. I was really busy...but I also KNEW that I was going to get this very e-mail! Dammit. I hate being my own worst enemy.

Job Stuff

Okay! This post only took me 2.5 months to get to! Actually I debated whether I wanted to continue this, which is what took the time. That last post left me feeling...exposed. I suppose that's pretty typical, right fellow bloggers?? I just needed to commit dammit.

Anyway. My job. So, I mentioned I'm a lawyer, the type that could theoretically try a case in front of a jury. The truth is though, that the vast majority of cases never get tried. The lawyers work them up, by exchanging documents, taking depositions, filing various motions, etc., but either somewhere in the middle there or towards the end, people start thinking, hey, this is costing me a truckload of money and what the hell do I have to show for it, or, hey, do I really want 12 fellow citizens who couldn't figure out how to get out of jury duty deciding my life? Then they start thinking about how much they could pay/get to just be done already.

For a LONG time - like, 10 years, this was pretty okay with me. I was still learning how to take a deposition, write a really good motion, etc., and was pretty terrified of being in front of a jury anyway. Judges were no problem, I did that several days a week on status calls and motions, but juries are scary. The few times in this 10 year period that I was in front of a jury did nothing to allay my fears.

Plus, doing all that other shit to get ready for a trial that almost certainly wasn't going to happen started seeming repetitive and yet overwhelming, because there was so MUCH of it.

So, in 2006 I got out, and went to work for a company, managing their litigation. THIS WAS BLISS, even though I took a 25% pay cut. Now I got to be the client telling my outside counsel what to do, and still left work at 5:00 pm. That job, however, was for a company that was losing market share like it was a competition to get to zero. As blissful as I was, I knew it couldn't last. My number one fear was losing my job and not having an income (see last post on NO MONEY), so I decided I had to get out on my own terms before the company failed.

In early 2008 I started at my current company, also managing litigation. Much smaller company, but much more responsibility, in a field that never bores me. Obv can't say much about it in order to avoid Dooce problems, but it's good.

The cat just horked up a hairball - gotta go!